Transitions

Almost 11 p.m., and as I lay in bed, my thoughts tonight are of the odd transition space I am in. Although many parts of my life will bleed over into each other and much will stay the same, after tomorrow, a lot more will never be the same again.

I have things to say good bye to, at least for now:

Pregnancy- I have really loved being pregnant in a way that has often been hard for me to explain. Even in the all day sickness weeks I knew those moments would pass and that they were powerful because I was creating my masterpiece. Sure, I got aches and pains. I lost a good chunk of sleep. In these last few days my feet have gotten more swollen. If these are the worst that could happen that don't even begin to match all the joys I have had.

I remember at exactly 20 weeks going with Grant and B to Eeyore's Birthday. After that hot trek of fun, we changed and went to Pourhouse Pub, where for the very first time I felt Alchemy move.

The joy of watching my body slowly change in miraculous ways I never thought it could- the change in my breasts and stomach as they shifted and stretched to support my ever growing baby. I am in love with my beautiful belly- part of me is going to miss it but I know that I just get a new version of my old stomach back, and I barely remember what that looks or feels like now, so it will be new to me again.

Of course, there are things I won't miss as much:

Needing to pee every two hours each night has been less annoying from the peeing standpoint, but more annoying as I get bigger and have a harder time getting out of bed.
Sleeping with 6 pillows to support every inch of me, especially the heavy belly. Having to sleep upright because my ribs hurt so bad for a while she was still high in my body.
The acid reflux. I should have stock in Tums.

Tomorrow morning in the semi-dark and early, I will get up, wish for tea & breakfast I can't have and then make my way to the hospital to prepare for everything new-

Things I am scared/nervous about:
The surgery itself. Even though its a common one that is done (far too) often, it's still scary for me since it's the most major surgery I have ever had.
Not being able to get the hospital to work with our wishes for our daughter.

On the other side of that coin are the things I feel very excited and empowered around:

Seeing my daughter's face for the first time & knowing that even though I am not birthing her as I wished that I am still birthing her from my powerful strong body that created her, housed her and nourished her these past 10 months.
Being able to breast feed and continue to be her source of life and nourishment.
Getting to bond with her and Grant so we can smell her, hold her, kiss her little toes and be amazed by the new life we have made.
Watching Grant's face light up like I have potentially never seen it before the minute he meets her and falls completely in love with her.
Having my mom and our midwife Charlotte with us to support us through the birth and the following days.

Finally fully being the mom I have always wanted to be.

I have felt like a mom since the moment I knew I was pregnant. Every choice I have made since that day has been for the best of my daughter, whether it be what I chose to eat, drink, do for exercise, how much rest I got, what vitamins and nourishment I put in my body, how I took care of us medically, even the choices I made around the birth we hoped to have for her, and those I am making now to make sure she arrives here safely. Tomorrow it all gets so much more real- she goes from being my little "gut monkey" to my external nugget of joy. All the ease and comfort my body has provided her will change- now I have to learn to understand and communicate with her, care for her every minute, and grow with her.

I feel extremely grateful for all the support we have around us from friends and family. Already people are stepping up and offering Grant and I help for these tough transitional days ahead as we are settling in to being parents. My mom will be here for a couple of weeks to help me recover from surgery and care for Alchemy. Friends are beginning to sign up for days to bring us tasty food so we don't waste away here as we put all our energy into her. I have received more clothing and baby stuff from generous friends who have kids that have outgrown them than I can believe, saving us more money than I can even imagine at a time when we have less coming in than we used to. Beyond that- many people are sending us love, magick, prayer and good thoughts both for tomorrow and in general which has me feeling blessed and more at peace with this all in a time when I have been very emotional around it all.

My love to you all who read this- please send us good energy and prayers tomorrow as we welcome Alchemy Grace DiMucci Potts into the world.

Location: Austin, TX