Give and Take

I have been thinking a lot today about how being a mom makes me think back so much to my childhood. Going through this new experience with my mom at my side, I get to hear how things were for her when I was born and she was taking care of me. More than once this week I have said "oh man, I am so sorry mom.." in response to some story of a hard time she went through with me (my many weeks of colic) or feel even more blessed by her help when I hear those very stories and how she went through it all alone with no help.

It brings me to the give and take of things. When we are children, our whole world is take- we have nightmares and wake our parents in the night, hoping for comfort when we try to fall back to sleep, never once realizing the sleep they lose to comfort us or the jobs they are going to the next day. We end up sick and spend nights crying as they once again go sleepless as they rub our chests with Vicks Vapo-rub and bring us glasses of water. Never mind those awesome nights where you pee or poo the bed and never have to worry about the laundry the next day. Children depend on parents to feel safe, loved and well taken care of and their strong dependency on parents is more exhausting that I have ever even realized till now.

Now that I am in the early days of parenting, going on small hours of sleep if I am lucky, being a personal feeding system and changing more diapers than I thought one little person could mess up, I realize just how much of ones self a mother or parent gives to a child, and I have only been at it for short of 2 weeks. I can't even imagine what it will be like once she is older, when my ability to control her universe slowly unravels and she can walk, run, jump off high places and break bones, goes to school, etc..and thrills and scares me with every move she makes. (but no sense in going down that anxiety road now, I will walk it when I have to)

Yet, through all that take, there is give as well. Each minute that passes as I sit and mourn sleep lost, I also smile as I look at all the cute faces she makes in her sleep. I examine each tiny dimple in her skin, the creases of her fingers and am amazed that such perfection and beauty came from me. Her little ears are works of art, her hair like maple syrup & honey mixed. She fills my heart with absolute delight and more love that I could imagine each day- I told Grant that everyday I love her a little bit more, while feeling like I couldn't possibly love her more than I already do. They give back by filing our hearts with love each day.

Then one day, they grow up like I have and they have one of their own. Then they still take like I am right now by leaning so heavily on my mother for help, costing her more precious sleep like I did as a baby. Yet, once again, I can tell I have also given her something- the same precious bundle of love that delights me puts a smile on my mother's face too- and the cycle of give and take continues.

Location:Austin, TX