Ask and you shall receive- Abundance

I am continuously amazed by the outpouring of love and assistance we have received in the last several months from our community. In a time where so many people are out of work, struggling to make ends meet and needing help themselves, we keep getting met with folks who are willing to share of their time, their material goods, and themselves with us.


I was very concerned when June came and I no longer had a job that we were not going to be able to make things work well once Alchemy arrived. We had some tough months of July and August trying to cut back to keep things going without my salary coming in and Grant working less for the summer. Babies being as expensive as they are concerned me- how would we be able to afford all the dang clothes a small person needs as they grow out of them so quickly? Could we afford the other baby items we needed or would potentially want- especially the big items that tend to be more expensive like a car seat or stroller?

Then I worried about time and healing- how would I be able to be well nourished if I was recovering from her birth? How would I keep the house clean, or take care of her while caring for myself alone while Grant worked?

I am not afraid to ask for help, so often I reached out to see if anyone could assist me, but even more often folks came out of the woodwork to offer us assistance.

Months before she even arrived, several friends started bestowing outgrown baby clothes that their kiddoes no longer needed upon us. Some from our awesome neighbors that their son Patrick had outgrown. Some from Musick that Annie was outgrowing at a super fast pace. Lots of clothing we received either new or gently used at our baby showers. Some came from my friend JaNee from Houston since her daughter Lila is quickly outgrowing clothing and some toys they sent. Some came down from Portland from Clay and Fawn from Lu. Some traveled with Lisa from the UK to here for me that Anaya has outgrown. Already I have several bags of clothing sitting in stand-by sorted by size awaiting the day when Alchemy finally chubs out and grows to fit them. Just today I received another message from Kira who has clothes she would be happy to bring by that Rhiannon has outgrown. The clothing angels just keep coming. I keep trying to share what I receive by bestowing clothing on other friends of mine with babies the same age as Alchemy, or those still expecting. Already I have passed on several bags of clothing to my friend Sontee for her adorable daughter Asmi, and I have three more bags waiting. I sent some of the bigger stuff to Anaya in hopes it will fit her while Lisa is still here visiting before she heads back to the UK.

Lisa gave me lots of baby gear she no longer needed. Ja'Nee sent us one of those play mats with the dangling toys for Alchemy to use. Our neighbors gave us Patrick's swing that plays music. Clay and Fawn sent us their infant car seat that Lu no longer fit in to use. ( I am hoping we can just send it back and forth with them for many years to come as we trade off making adorable babies.) My mom bought us the bassinet we had been hoping for.

While we considered a stroller, it was an expense we couldn't float at the moment, and she is still small enough that we carry her most places, so we weren't too worried and just expected to save up for one. When Grant's parents were here, they bought us an awesome stroller that will grow with her for many years and be here for the next kid we have.

Just today I was mentioning how I wanted to buy Kung Fu Panda at Half Price today but thought it was too expensive and passed it up. My friend Valerie said she thought she had it at home, and if she did she would mail it to me. Awesome.

Beyond the material items, there is the love and support of people through their time- so many of our friends took time to make delicious dinners that they delivered to us so that we could eat well when we were bogged down with baby care in the early weeks and could barely remember our names much less cook. I still have food in the freezer that I pull out to defrost on the hectic extra fussy Alchemy days. (Big heartfelt happy-tummied thanks to Musick, Rebro, Annalisa, Trisha, Vanessa, Elana, & Elle for keeping us nourished)

And although I have said it before, it is definitely worth mentioning again that I wouldn't have made it through the first very hard month without my mom. Her being here for a month with us was priceless. I can't imagine how much sleep she actually lost as she gave so much of herself to taking care of both me and Alchemy at the same time in attempt to help provide relief to Grant who was exhausted from caring for us while working far too much. Mom helped cook for us, cleaned up some when she could, took on many night shifts with the baby and I, stayed awake with her in attempts to let me sleep small bits, ran a bazillion errands for us, drove me to appointments when I still couldn't drive.... the list could go on and on. I am so blessed to have her still only a few hours away. I love that Alchemy got a chance to bond with her so early for so long, and I loved having my mom here to bear witness to my new life of motherhood in its early days. She held such a good balance between being helpful and knowing when to hold back to let me do things my way as a mother.  I miss having her here with us and am glad that she will be coming back for another short visit soon and that she is close enough for me to drive to.



To my lovely community of friends and family- thank you for the continuous out pouring of love and support. May the abundance and sharing continue amongst us all and may I forever be able to give back as much in return as you all have given to me.

Balancing Act

Each day I wake up and lay in bed momentarily trying to figure out what I am going to do that day. Some days I actually feel slightly rested and have energy to go with the plans, or at least a good hot cup of tea. Other days, I am wiped from being up with Alchemy all night and want nothing more than another hour of sleep, which I rarely get. On truly fussy Alchemy mornings I get trapped in bed breastfeeding her and pumping for later. Those late start days often suck. Add to that the last minute tasks I didn't know I had that Grant tells me about when we talk on the phone and you get one hopeless feeling Nicole.


These are not my ideal days. There are so many things that I want to do and so many things that need getting done. Some are just basic stuff like housecleaning (which our house sorely needs right now after the many weeks I have been recovering and not cleaning). Other things are little adventures I want to take with Alchemy or just things I want to do for fun to make me happy. The problem is balancing getting any of them done with the basic daily care of a newborn baby. So, to try and combat this problem, I am doing what I do best- making lists. Lists of small household tasks, lists of things we need to buy when we find the extra money, lists of things I want to do tomorrow, next week, one day in the future. When I get them done, I will share some of what I want to do here.

Today didn't have a list, but I took it on the best I could.  Got us down the stairs as fast as possible so we didn't get trapped upstairs and had a good cup of tea as we started the morning. Finished our grocery list and we were out the door headed for the Co-op to shop. Shopping is one of my favorite things to do with Alchemy. I wear her in my Moby wrap and she falls right to sleep against me as we shop. One day I am hoping she will stay awake for the experience so I can show her things in the store, although her sleeping didn't stop me from rubbing her back and talking to her as we walked along. Hopefully she heard some of what I was saying. Folks at the Co-op always love her and were very helpful getting us to the car and loaded up today so I could get her in her seat and air conditioned.

Came home and fed us both, feeling accomplished that I got one shopping task done. If I had put it on a list, I would have taken pleasure in crossing it off.

 Alchemy having her bottle of mom juice for lunch!


 Next up, laundry- before I decided I was too tired to do it. Lots of juggling of laundry loads with Alchemy care and kitchen cleaning. I managed to time my loads of laundry to use one dryer time for both loads, saving us a buck in quarters! Ahhh.. the little things that make me happy. Decided in the midst of it all that I wanted more chocolate chip cookies since the ones I made last week were amazing. Seriously, they are the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever made. I found them here on Smitten Kitchen:
http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/03/crispy-chewy-chocolate-chip-cookies/

(Elana, if you are reading this, THESE are the perfect cookie.) 

The recipe says you can flash freeze some of the dough for later use. I had never done that before, so I looked it up last week and gave it a try- keeping 15 beautiful balls of cookie dough frozen for a day like today when I wanted a fast batch of cookies again.

Popped them onto a cookie sheet with parchment paper, and Wa-La! Speaking of parchment paper- where the hell has this stuff been all my life!? I just finally bought some after Grant kept saying we should get it because he likes using it to bake and cook. Tried it out and absolutely love it. Perfect baking and easy clean up.

15 minutes later, I ended up with the perfect cookies.

Crispy on the edges, chewy on the inside and amazingly tasty. NOM NOM NOM! Now I just have to control myself and not eat them all in one night. I love Smitten Kitchen. So far I have only made cookies off her site and loved both of them. I need to try some of her other recipes soon.


I had been trying to entertain Alchemy with her swing while I hustled around baking and folding laundry, and while she was okay with it for a short while, eventually she decided she had had it.

Ahhhh my little adorable fussy monkey. She is very good at pathetically being adorable and letting us know just when she is unhappy with whatever is going on. That is a definite unhappy with the world face. Yesterday she started developing tears, and although they haven't fallen down her face yet, I know its only a matter of time before we see big alligator tears when she cries and then we are done for. Grant says she is developing an even better arsenal against us. She is also starting to smile, but she must be reserving those for everyone but me since she has yet to give me one. All I ever get is crying. *Sigh* I try not to take it personally, as I am sure one day she will express love and smiles my way rather than just cries and screams.

Grant came home for an hour between campuses to eat dinner with us quickly. We barely had a chance to visit over some quick eats before he was out the door again. Ahh Tuesdays. They are my long day where it's just Alchemy and I until late evening. I still have to head up and put away all the laundry I folded and settle in to wind Alchemy down for the night. There will be more feeding and pumping, but also hopefully some relaxation time after a busy day.

After today comes tomorrow.. who knows what adventures we will get into then.

Winds of Change

Today is an absolutely beautiful day here in Austin. A cold front has blown in, keeping our temperatures in the upper 60's to very low 70's this afternoon. With the windows open and the very strong breeze, it feels almost cold in the house. Alchemy, Oscar and I are loving it- she has been napping happily wrapped in a blanket beside me as I work on the downstairs computer, Oscar has been trading between occupying the glider chair and the front window.

I spent some time this morning bringing some magickal focus back to my main altar downstairs. I have been spending so much time upstairs that the altar that gets most of my attention is Alchemy's in our bedroom, although even that needs a clean up and overhaul at the moment. Come to think of it, most of our house needs an overhaul.

Grant has been taking small moments when he can to keep the downstairs more clean and organized which I am grateful for. I am going to create a little To-Do list/schedule of tasks & cleaning to be done in hopes of taking one thing at a time and working on it at whatever pace I need to in order to get it done. Just a little each day will help. Today it was a trip to the coop for groceries and some kitchen organizing. Tomorrow there will be laundry at the very least.

As I was cleaning my altar I sat thinking for a while about myself when I was smaller- looking at photos my mom and I pulled out when she was here, I wonder what Alchemy will be like when she is one, three, six etc.. She changes so much each day while at the same time staying so much the same. She is five weeks old and I can see the beginnings of baby pudge forming on her arms and legs, under her chin. Her eye lashes are becoming more defined, the blue of her eyes lightening. She is more beautiful everyday to me.



Tomorrow we are going on our first bus adventure together to meet Grant at ACC for a religion panel discussion on Rites of Passage. I am very happy to be attending a panel again because I very much enjoyed the previous talks I attended, but also feel like this particular one will resonate will resonate with me since I feel like I am going through my own rite of passage into motherhood at the moment. Recently a friend of mine posted information about a class offered here in Austin taught by two certified Doulas called Mother Unfolding. It's a five week class that meets once a week intended to bring new moms and babies together to learn how to handle being new moms, discuss a variety of things that come up in the early weeks with our babies and to handle them etc.. The class serves both as a support group of sorts as well as a place of education on many things. It sounds great, but unfortunately starts this week on Thursday when I have previous plans, and also costs more than I have to lay out at this time. So, it looks like I will have to keep unfolding into being a mother on my own- like a new butterfly, I know I am a more beautiful and developed form of who I once was, but am forever changed. Each day I will spread my wings a bit more, walk lightly on my new mother legs and figure out how to be a better mother to Alchemy.


Thursday she and I are going to a local nursery called The Natural Gardener with a dear friend I haven't spent time with in a long time. I love that nursery and haven't been since sometime in my early pregnancy. Even if I had no intention of buying plants I could spend hours there walking in their gardens, visiting with their donkeys, goats and chickens and walking in the labyrinth. However, I do have intention of buying some plants while I am there for our garden. Grant has put in some hard work lately preparing our garden for the late fall and winter planting we want to do. I miss our garden bunches and am glad it will be planted again after taking such a beating from the intense summer heat and drought. Now that the weather is cooling and I am not pregnant anymore, I too can get back into gardening again, I have missed working it.


Friday there is a party to attend with Grant at St. Eds, Saturday I get to reunite with my Citizen Schools coworkers (most of them anyways) for afternoon lunch before we head to our lodge for a Dia de Los Muertos feast in the evening, Sunday after we hopefully have gotten some sleep, we will wake early and get on the road to Damon to see my parents for a day. My Dad has not met Alchemy yet, I am so excited that he finally gets to see her and that my Mom will see her again as well. Even though it has only been a week and a half since she left Austin, I know she has missed her as much as we miss having her here with us.


It is a full week, but a happy one filled with lots of time out in the gorgeous weather spending time with loved ones. I love having weeks like this.

Supply and Demand

Haiku of the day:

I need to create
More milk so that my baby
Can eat and gain weight.

(in a way, it's about nature, and at least its 5-7-5)

Went to the birthing center for our check up and full newborn screening today. Got to visit with our midwife R who Grant and I both very much like. She is older (although in no way old) and from Germany and always gives us very very wise information and advice whenever we are there. Today's info was wise although not what I has hoped for by any means.

Although Alchemy was showing signs of taking in a good amount of milk when our lactation consultant came out, she still has not managed to regain enough to get back to her birth weight. Somewhere along the way last week due to the way she was nursing, potentially both from my nipple damage, her tongue tie or the fact that she falls asleep at the breast so often- she stopped sucking as efficiently as she needed to both to get enough milk and to keep my supply up.

Now I am on a routine where I feed her then pump after to help increase my supply, and what we pump we feed her in addition to what she breast fed to get more into her. Hopefully this will not only increase my milk supply more quickly, but will also fatten her up faster. I got a rental pump from the local lactation store that is hospital grade and very good. Got tired of holding it to my breasts for long pumping sessions yesterday, so I cut holes in my sports bra, and wa-la! Hands free pumping. I also got a hold of Fenugreek which is supposed to help with milk supply increase as well.

So fingers crossed, hopefully my supply will redevelop quick enough to get more food into her before my weight check appt this coming Monday. I'd rather not supplement with formula if I can avoid it, although if I have to for a couple of days to help her gain weight while my supply comes back, I will.

My mom is hanging in with us for an extra few days to see how all this goes next Monday before returning to Houston. Grant's parents arrived last night from Ohio to visit for the weekend and meet Alchemy which is very exciting! Hopefully beyond this crazy feed-pump-feed schedule there will be time for fun this weekend.

Location:Austin, TX

Adventures in Out-there land

This weekend has been a whole new adventure in parenting. I am feeling healed enough to leave the house for small trips now, and so after feeling stranded for weeks in my upstairs bedroom, I have started to get out with Alchemy a little.

Yesterday morning, I opened the front door and stepped out to discover that there was a cool wind blowing and it was in the low 80's. After an entire summer of 100+ degree days, this felt like a real cool front. I went back in, strapped on the baby in the wrap and grabbed my mom. Out the door we went for a walk in the neighborhood. Wandered past cute houses, high schoolers making their way off campus for lunch, construction on gutted hours being renovated and streets with no sidewalks, finally returning home feeling happy but also a bit sore. Pushed myself to the edge of my limits on that first walk out carrying her, but very much enjoyed it.

Then the afternoon came. After some time spent with visitors, we abandoned our original evening plans for another adventure- travel to Round Rock to Baby Earth to buy some stuff for her and have dinner somewhere. Now while a simple trip to a very baby friendly store and a restaurant for dinner sounds like it would be easy, it actually became quite a trip. First problem- although she was well fed and happy when we set out on our adventure, we made the mistake of making this trip during rush hour. What would have normally taken us 20 or so minutes took over an hour. While we originally intended to shop then eat, by the time we reached the area we were heading, our main goal amidst the screaming baby was stop the car and release her from the car seat of doom- ANYWHERE to eat! Anywhere translated into Carino's, where part two of my adventure occurred.

While I was hoping we would arrive, get seated and all would stay quiet and well with the cute sleeping baby in the wrap on my chest, this of course was not the case. No sooner had we sat to eat than she started to fuss. Time to feed. Mom and I exit to the restroom where we have our first public diaper change- not bad. Next- trying to get her into the sling in a position that I can breastfeed her in. After several attempts it became very clear that it wasn't happening. Instead, I prepared to go back to the table in attempt to feed her discreetly not in the sling, but held in my arms. Somehow, I managed to pull it off although without the usual Boppy and blankets for support I am so used to at home, my arms got tired really quick. Grant leaned over to tell me how I am such an amazing mom and of course, I find myself in tears. I don't feel like an amazing mom, that shit was hard. I keep feeling like with every new challenge I am blundering through making a mess of things. We were successful with a quick feeding and she slept through dinner soundly.

Finally, we made it to our destination, but even in the store she screamed for a while, making our shopping trip much shorter than we hoped for. Paid and got to the car where we once again had to wake her to put her in the seat- got a little crying in before she passed out before we ever left the parking lot. Thankfully she slept the rest of the way home.

Today's adventures were less troublesome. This morning we visited our community garden but she slept through the whole visit, not seeing our garden plot, the people who came over to see her, or the chicken pen we visited. In the afternoon we made our first trip to the grocery store together that she slept through entirely.

Now, laying in bed typing this I realize just how tired I am after a long day out with no naps for me. I am hoping she will have a fuss free easy sleeping night.

Location:Austin,TX