Visit yesterday with the midwives was a good one. I got to see Charlotte, one of my favorite midwives who I haven't seen since January for an appt. Updated her on all the hoops Alchemy and I have been jumping through together and did another ultrasound. She looks awesomely healthy, has a gorgeous big round head and is still firmly and happily seated in my pelvis. If there had to be a midwife to tell me she thought the kid wouldn't budge, I am glad it was Charlotte.
So, swallowed that news minus the Mary Poppins spoon full of sugar, but still with hope that a miracle could occur and Alchemy would flip any day now. They referred me to an OBGYN that they work with all the time in situations such as these- she is very good and very natural birth minded, delivers tons of natural birth babies in a hospital setting, and her entire staff is made up of nurse midwives. If I have to go through a scheduled cesarean birth, I'd rather it be with a staff like that. We have an appointment set up to meet them next Wednesday. Grant suspects that once we get in there and get the ball rolling, they may want to schedule us pretty soon after that. It's crazy to me to imagine that a week from now I could find myself with my beautiful girl in my arms. She technically isn't due for 2 weeks- I am exactly 38 weeks today, but there is no telling when they will want to schedule for in order to prevent a possible emergency cesarean birth, which technically could happen any day now (or moment for that matter) anyways.
Is this what I was hoping for? No. Is this in any way ideal? No. All in all, will it matter a single bit once she is here in our lives? Also- No.
I have the good fortune to have a (new) friend who is also a midwife and spiritually minded person who I reached out to today to get her thoughts on all this- she shared something with me that was told to her by a midwife who trained her many years ago. She said that in a similar situation to mine, she was worrying that they could have done something different or more to help the mom & baby get the natural birth they had hoped for, and her mentor said:
"We get awfully focused on our lives at times, so much so that we don't realize that we are more intertwined than we think. It is not just that mama's karma which brought her here, but the baby's karma as well. And beyond that the daddy's karma, and the karma of all four grandparents. This child is a culmination of many paths that came together to form this tiny being. Who are we to say we know the karma of any of them."
That put things into perspective for me quite a bit- this is not my journey alone, but Alchemy's. As much as the birth is part of my journey, it really is the very first steps of her long life journey in this world and she has to choose the path that is right for her. 31 years ago, I chose to show up super early through an emergency cesarean weighing 2 pounds 4 ounces and needing hospitalization for 6 weeks after- none must have been easy on my parents, but here I am sitting soundly, happily, healthily telling you about it.
Also, through this pregnancy I have thought a lot about seeking out either Doula or Midwifery training as a potential option career-wise in the future. When I thought about all this, I realized that what I wish my midwives could do most for me is help me adjust to the possibility of a non-natural birth emotionally and mentally right now, but they are so set in the natural birth mind that many of them just have no words of comfort for me here. Many of my midwives are not mothers, and those that are birthed naturally. If I have to do this through surgery, I can still birth the next naturally and how much stronger of a support would I be to a mother if I can tell her that I have been in both pairs of shoes and understand the situation that much more. (YAY for finding a bit more silver lining in this cloud)
So, tonight after an excellent time with friends over dinner I am winding down- feeling lots of movement from Alchemy and getting more excited about the possibility of meeting her soon, holding her in my arms, bonding with her, smelling and kissing her head and finally feeling the completion of this wonderful journey I have been on. She's my Great Work-in-progress.
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